If we’re dating and you let me read one of my favorite books out loud to you while I lay my head in your lap and you stroke my hair then that’s as good as a marriage license to me.
All I really want is a bottle of vodka
When I was 15
We’d meet at the Entrance of the J train,
Both of us high school students.
You gave me your grey beanie
I wore it everyday.
You’d run about 15 blocks
to meet me
and at times I was stubborn, and actually
tried to be a good student
I’d leave you
Considering that I enjoyed your presence.
And I think it was just that.
I enjoyed your presence.
I liked that I had someone to ride the train with
someone to listen to my iPod with
someone to lean my head on
Days and months rolled by
still enjoying your shadow that accompanied mine.
You’d wait for me now after school too,
even though you could never predict what time I would leave
And I was pleased to see you wait
upset if you weren’t there.
I think I wronged myself more than I wronged you
Because I remember that night before I went on that plane
Looking at you at around sunset,
laying on my bed
I think I could wake up to you every single day
for the rest of my life
I want to love you every
Little did I know.
You were sure to go.
At that moment I realized what love was, and I ran so fast
I ran to another state. And I ran from your hands, I ran from your hours waiting, I ran from your lips, I ran from what haunted me, your shadow.
And when I got back,
You no longer waited.
This was three years ago,
I wait for you, in front of the entrance to the J train.
I wait for you, although none of us are high school students anymore.
I sit by the handball court, and hope that you’d stop by
Although we are just friends now
I’ll wait hours, days, weeks, months,
Because I just
I want to wake up next to you every morning
You’ll never have to wait again
I’ve been waiting 3 years
And I’ll wait for the rest of my life.
Now its just this
I need your presence
1. A girl can lose feelings for you over night.
2. A kiss can be just that, a kiss. Completely meaningless.
3. Love can be one sided but I still wonder if that is love at all
4. Never beg for someone to stay or to love you. You shouldn’t have to beg for someone to be a part of your life or to love you. You deserve better than that.
5. Stop breaking your ribs to make space for those who do not belong there.
6. Learning to breathe again is harder than the doctors said it would be.
7. I don’t know what hurts more at night; being alone or being in love.
8. Laying with someone in bed at night is temporary. It won’t get rid of the lonely. You will still wake up and leave in the morning with a heavy heart and no hand to hold.
9. Sometimes the sky rains gasoline instead of water and you have to be strong enough and ignore the urge to set yourself on fire.
10. I will be okay someday. Bad things happen for no reason sometimes and things end but that shouldn’t mean you should come to an end too. The ocean will always have waves; I just have to learn to swim through them for a bit longer.
11. The stretch marks I left on my mother from birth will not be another suicide letter I never finished. "